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The two sided man!
There is a battle between the two sides of this man. One side is cold cynical and introverted to the point of contentment and regret and mystery. This is who I want to be and who I feel most comfortable being. There is another side that is happy goofy positive and shallow. This is the side that I usually introduce people to, and this is the side I find them wanting me to be. When I am in public as an intelligent dreamer, I find that people think something is wrong with me and that I am depressed, when in reality I am just questioning the point of it all. There is so much more to life than life. I sometimes cannot allow myself to blindly follow the paths laid before me by the past generations that followed the generations before them. Is it wrong to question existence? I think that there is such a world beyond the four walls of our subconscious. What more could be achieved for those that have decided not to settle for the life at hand? If everyone strived for something deeper and more than, would the world completely change its focus? God created us with a complex and questioning mind for a reason. In a world full of information and with knowledge thrown at you from every direction, I still feel so ignorant to the realities of life. Everything learned is taken for granted without experience.
Everything is equated to a balance. All aspects of life resolve to a scale with one side on each level of its extreme opposite. I have been reading Ecclesiastes and have found it to be so captivating. Solomon thinks the way that I do, in dark tunnels of theology. He questions the very point of life. The point of life gets muddled into a meaningless pit of questions and frustration. How can you formulate a balance between the mundane and the necessary in life? How can you be a two-sided man? How do you choose right from wrong without some exact guidance? Why is the Bible littered with theological questions and contradictions that even scholars cannot answer with certainty? What is purpose, and what is mine in life? To me, the answers are not exact, but riddles of life that all lead to balance. How can life have so much meaning yet be completely meaningless? Again, is it all a balance? A person can quickly become obsessed with following the Biblical law, and completely miss the point of those laws. The same person can also become preoccupied with the sins of this world, ruin their witness, and cease to be salt of the earth. Where is the balance? Where is the line? How good is good enough?

It all boils down to the conclusion of Ecclesiastes.
“Fear God and keep His commandments”
Ecclesiastes 12:13b

All the rest seems to fall into place if you just seek and listen to the Creator. I have to believe that the balance will work itself out as long as I keep seeking the creator of the extremes. If I keep my eyes fixed on Him, then I won’t have time to determine the logistics or conform to the legalities of the “Christian” lifestyle. He is the Maker of all that is Holy and it is He that will bring judgment on every deed. He is the balance!

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